i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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