Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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