Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
