just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
