Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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