the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
