you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
