I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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