Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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