Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
