and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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