Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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