His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize