i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
