my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
