She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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