remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
