i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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