we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
