Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
