Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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