It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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