so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
