How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
