are you so shy because you have an std?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
