508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
