i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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