I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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