Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
