I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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