So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
