Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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