omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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