So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
