Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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