Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
