Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
