are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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