Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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