i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
