Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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