Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
