Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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