what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
