Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
