wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
