I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
