I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
you never un-have a 4some
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
