He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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