I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
