just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
