At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
