Your face is a jimmy john
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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