the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
