Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize