Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
