The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
