Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
