The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize