Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
