listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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