i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I need to calm my uterus...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize