My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
