When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she told me i tasted like america
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
