She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
