i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
