and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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