I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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