Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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