Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
