she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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