this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
