He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He has the fingertips of a God
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
