I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
