I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
